Gene Simmons announces final tour with KISS

He’s Kiss-ing it all goodbye

Fresh from Europe, off to Australia, born in Israel as Chaim Witz, multimillionaire Gene Simmons says it’s his final tour.

“Rock ’n’ roll’s dead. Beatles, Stones, Elvis, Madonna, disco, Motown, David Bowie, Kiss, Metallica withstood the test of time. Now fans stopped paying for music. It’s Internet, social media, streaming, artists earn hundredths of a percent of a cent. Can’t keep up with downloading, legislation, minimum wage laws. Write songs and be a performer, it’s now pennies for your work.”

I muttered that Streisand’s done 40 moneymaking farewell tours.

“I’m 73 soon. I carry 40 pounds of armor and 7-inch dragon boots platform heels. The physicality makes it the last tour. I can’t sit in a chair picking a guitar like blues musicians. I know you can’t stay on the stage too long. Better get off while the getting’s good.

“My mother and I, 8 ¹/₂, flew El Al in ’58. On a box called TV we’d never seen before we saw everything big. People, buildings, superheroes, animated cartoons. Only a land like America could like this.

“Now, I’m into AI company Noble, restaurant chain Rock, three casinos, the Gene Simmons band, a crypto operation and lots of stuff.”

Happily married, to Shannon, he claims he’s slept with 5,000 women so — understood he lacks strength for touring. And this final tour — how many cities?

“Probably 100.”